In the future we'll all be gay
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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