Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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