Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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