Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
