it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
