The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
