kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
