I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
it's like iHOP with fire
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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