i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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