I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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