I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
