I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
A+ Viking dick
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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