dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
