There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
