Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
