Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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