people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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