he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
