I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
