It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
