Is it because I queefed?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
i've created a new STD.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
