just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
