i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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