McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
