Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I don't deserve a penis
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
is it fun? or sober?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
