Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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