i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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