Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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