Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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