I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
