You really coming over, don't trick.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
