Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
