i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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