That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
