I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
