We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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