last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
