I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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