yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
