D3 body, D1 cock
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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