woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
