I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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