Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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