You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I will pee on everything he values.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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