I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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