I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
We are all done wearing pants today
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
