Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
