So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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