we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
