Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
