in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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